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Illegally Insane.
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Soren37
Illegally Insane.
Age Unknown
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Your Brain
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swimming, tennis, video games, piano
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Joined: 9-July 08
Time Online: 14d 22h 42m 41s
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Last Seen: 14th September 2011 - 07:15 PM
Local Time: Oct 22 2017, 04:05 AM
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Soren37

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Current Mood: It's the Holidays!

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16 Jul 2011
Not sure if anyone here remembers me, but it's Soren. Back from the sudden disappearance. Just...stuff came up, and I left for a while, and now I have two jobs and university, so...I guess I'll hop up again.
25 Dec 2010
I'm so frustrated right now I don't know what to even say. First off, I'm depressed, extremely hard on myself, and possibly atychiphobic (fear of failure), and now I'm being forced to drive my drunk parents. First off, I can't even drive by myself, even though I'm a G2 driver, meaning I don't need another person in the car, yet my parents still treat it like I'm going to crash in a telephone pole right out the door.

Yes, I understand they're worried for me, and my sister's saying that they're worried about other people crashing into me. "Scott, turn right", "Scott, get in this lane", "Scott, coast a bit". It's never "Watch for this guy", or "This guys going to be making a left turn", or its stuff that I learned on MY GOD DAMN G1 TEST. Seriously, it just fucking pisses me off when they micromanage aspects of my life. I understand they're worried about my well-being, but its like they're telling me exactly how I should live when I'm on the road because I'm just some fucking noob that doesn't deserve to drive.

And because of my depression and negativity, every time I screw up, I feel like shit because I know that my parents are upset with me and that I fucked up. And it just pisses me off that I when I told them I fucking choked myself, they told me that I NEED TO MANAGE MY TIME. And then they said that I didn't need professional help. IT JUST...BLARGH. They treat me like I should be absolutely perfect, which means that every time I get a below 80% or forget something or mess up, I feel like crap because I knew I could've done something better. It just seems that they don't care what I go through, as long as they see results.

Probably the biggest thing that scares me right now is the fact that I can't "feel" feelings. If someone's crying, I don't feel sad. If my mum is crying about her dad who has the possibility of having an infection kill him or losing his leg, I don't feel anything about it. I can feel happy or sad, but they're more forced. I only feel happy when I'm with one person, and I feel sad when I just feel like an absolute failure. There's no "happy medium", it's all extremes. I'm either extremely happy or extremely sad.

There is one person that I feel truly comfortable with, but it feels odd. Am I supposed to only have one person that I can trust with absolutely everything? Should I have more? Less? I don't know. Even then, at times, I feel like I can't tell her everything. I know I can't tell my parents everything, because they're liable to turn it around and have it bite me back.

At times, I just feel useless. I want to become a doctor, but right now, but math mark is not so great (currently 81%), and no matter how much I practice, I still fuck up in one way or another. And I don't want to fall back on anything else. My dad and I have talked about it, about being a nurse, or radiologist or a medical chemist, but nothing appeals to me. It just feels like I've failed myself in one more aspect.

That's another thing, I need to see results with the things my parents and I put my money into. I did musical theatre for 7 years, and I didn't get anything out of it except public speaking. Whoop de friggin' doo. I could do that before. I did karate for 10 years on and off. I still don't know any self defense. I've done piano for 8 years, I'm no Mozart, and I'm happy that I know, but is it worth anything? Can I apply this anywhere? And what about swimming? I've only been swimming for two years, and my times are pretty good, but there are so many people better than me it'd probably be better just to drop out and forget the whole damn thing.

Overall, I'm just worried for myself. I was suicidal in Grade 7 (now in Grade 12), and I'm just heading downhill right now. I just want to get better, and right now, my first appointment's in March. I'm so far off and I'm just worried about if I'll still be able to do the things I want, like get into University or actually graduate this year.
7 Aug 2010
Milan opened his eyes slowly. The sunlight filtered into the small room, illuminating a simple bed, table, and a floor littered with books. Milan smiled, remembering that this was the day that he was leaving again. The church had been giving Milan a lot of missions outside the church, but he never minded. He was happy for the excuse to leave, as he was able to find some new books to pick up and devour.

Milan rose and began to dress, wearing his simple priest robes, and ate a meager breakfast. A simple meal of dried berries and nuts.

"Ambition leads to downfall, so I shall avoid tempation, lust, and want. I shall only have what is needed," Milan thought has he drank some water before picking up his bag and his staff before heading out into the bright sunlight.

He walked through the streets briskly, heading for the fountain in the centre of the town. He was to wait until his contacts showed up. They were supposedly some mercenaries who were willing to travel and make sure Milan completed his quest.

Now he had to wait.
2 Aug 2010
QUOTE
Milan opened his eyes, slightly smiling. Today was the day that he was going to Crimea, to pick up a certain book. The Magicks of Tellius was supposedly written hundreds of years ago, and now his church wanted to see if they could get a copy of the book. Milan had already hired some people to assist him, in case the dangers of the road became too much...


So this is just a small quest where Milan tries to get a book for his church. It's assumed to be low-leveled, as we'll most likely be fighting bandits, but higher leveled characters can join if they wish.

The RP will start in Begnion, and then we'll move to Crimea, where the RP will end. Either way, I'm looking for 4-5 participants and myself.

1. Milan Dorestrov | Level 3 Priest | Soren37
2. Samson Lazarus | Level 4 Armoured Sword | Laharl
3. Zak Johannes | Level 1 Mage | Unnamed Dude
4. William Baker | Level 1 Peasant (Soldier) | Fay
5. Gareth Renalt | Level 11 Shaman | flamingphoenix
30 Jul 2010
Alright, I'm going to start up a Let's Play of the SNES game Final Fantasy III (Final Fantasy VI Advance). However, because you're able to name your characters, they'll star you, the lovely people from FEP as the cast! Just post stating who you want to be, and I'll do it!

Terra (Bob(*Is corrupted*))
A young girl with a mysterious past. She can use magic, even though it was wiped out over 100 years ago.

Locke (SmashB)
A treasure hunter who can still shit. Good times.

Edgar (Soren)
A lecherous king from Figaro, who is extremely good at using machinery.

Sabin (Unname)
Edgar's twin brother, who can beat up bears and squids with his bare hands.

Cyan (Ryvan)
An aging warrior from Doma, whose skill with the sword is unmatched.

Setzer (Ryu)
An airship pilot that has a gambling problem.

Shadow (Tech)
The canonical ninja. Can throw stuff really well.

Gau
A savage child who can copy monster's abilities and use them.

Celes
A general to the empire, who was artificially given magical powers. She can also absorb spells.

Relm
Relm is a painter who can bring her paintings to live.

Stratgo
The Blue Mage of the game. When he's hit by a special enemy attack, he can memorize and replicate it.

Post away! The pics of me playing will appear soon!
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Plant Undersea Royals
Hello, Billy Mays.
14 Aug 2009 - 20:53

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